…crunch crunch slorp snort…
Me when I’m sick.
Wednesday Addams as a Pan Am flight attendant
ABC executive clutching their Fall lineup, mumbling “WE HAVE TO GO BACK” (get it, because LOST was their last good show…you get it)
Mitch Hurwitz and/or FOX executive dangling a carrot for 4 years (need: stick, string, and rotting carrot - or 10 baby carrots and big carrot).
Hipster Penny (duh)
Alec Baldwin (in Jack Donaghy regalia) tweeting incessantly (re: yoga, hot girlfriend, campaign finance reform, pizza)
The new yellow Gmail “Important” flags stuck at random on things you don’t care about (need: post-it flags, no discernible criteria for importance)
Groupon (need: just print out all those Groupons you bought and never used and staple them to your shirt; or just light a bunch of money on fire in a bucket and carry that around)
Bing (need: no costume necessary because no one’s ever gone to bing.com to see what it looks like; just cry, alone in a corner the whole night)
Post-beer summit, tipsy Obama (need: being a handsome black man in a suit, beer, slurred speech - walk up to anyone dressed as Biden and mumble the words to “C’mon ‘N Ride It (That Train)”)
Chris Christie stress-eating a bucket of KFC during all that attention he didn’t want
Things that are already on my vision board:
Kermit choking Jason Segal.
Jim Henson estate suing Jason Segal for ruining the Muppets for an entire generation.
Jason Segal covered in vengeful, blood-drawing Fraggle Rock Dozers.
NO, BETH, IT’S NOT THE CARBURETOR, UNLESS WE PULLED OFF THE HIGHWAY AND INTO 1980. EVERYTHING HAS FUEL INJECTION NOW. PLEASE STOP PRETENDING YOU KNOW ABOUT CARS AND CALL TRIPLE-A BEFORE WE HAVE TO SET UP CAMP HERE.
oh for god’s sake who runs this blog please marry me