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72003 Notes

1 Notes

Bucket List (updated)

  • Have the occasion (and preparedness) to wear a haz-mat suit.
  • Kick in a door in the pursuit of justice.
  • Find a dead body while hiking.
  • Teach someone to read. (My iPhone lets me curse now so I feel like I’ve already done that…)
  • Effectively communicate to a dolphin that I’m not impressed.
  • High-five the President (then-current or any living former).
  • Break into black market fossil trading.
  • Arrange to meet someone “down at the docks.”
  • Have a personal effect temporarily confiscated and logged as evidence.
  • Wear red lipstick without feeling like a clown whore.
  • Alert a cab-driver of my almost-unnoticed presence by slamming my fist down onto the hood and yelling “I’m walkin’ here.”

Notes

Halloween Costume Ideas 2011

Movies/TV:

Wednesday Addams as a Pan Am flight attendant

ABC executive clutching their Fall lineup, mumbling “WE HAVE TO GO BACK” (get it, because LOST was their last good show…you get it)

Mitch Hurwitz and/or FOX executive dangling a carrot for 4 years (need: stick, string, and rotting carrot - or 10 baby carrots and big carrot).

Hipster Penny (duh)

Internet:

Alec Baldwin (in Jack Donaghy regalia) tweeting incessantly (re: yoga, hot girlfriend, campaign finance reform, pizza)

The new yellow Gmail “Important” flags stuck at random on things you don’t care about (need: post-it flags, no discernible criteria for importance)

Groupon (need: just print out all those Groupons you bought and never used and staple them to your shirt; or just light a bunch of money on fire in a bucket and carry that around)

Bing (need: no costume necessary because no one’s ever gone to bing.com to see what it looks like; just cry, alone in a corner the whole night)

Political:

Post-beer summit, tipsy Obama (need: being a handsome black man in a suit, beer, slurred speech - walk up to anyone dressed as Biden and mumble the words to “C’mon ‘N Ride It (That Train)”)

Chris Christie stress-eating a bucket of KFC during all that attention he didn’t want

Things that are already on my vision board:

Kermit choking Jason Segal.

Jim Henson estate suing Jason Segal for ruining the Muppets for an entire generation.

Jason Segal covered in vengeful, blood-drawing Fraggle Rock Dozers.

695 Notes

laurenashleybishop:

animalstalkinginallcaps:

NO, BETH, IT’S NOT THE CARBURETOR, UNLESS WE PULLED OFF THE HIGHWAY AND INTO 1980. EVERYTHING HAS FUEL INJECTION NOW. PLEASE STOP PRETENDING YOU KNOW ABOUT CARS AND CALL TRIPLE-A BEFORE WE HAVE TO SET UP CAMP HERE.

oh for god’s sake who runs this blog please marry me

laurenashleybishop:

animalstalkinginallcaps:

NO, BETH, IT’S NOT THE CARBURETOR, UNLESS WE PULLED OFF THE HIGHWAY AND INTO 1980. EVERYTHING HAS FUEL INJECTION NOW. PLEASE STOP PRETENDING YOU KNOW ABOUT CARS AND CALL TRIPLE-A BEFORE WE HAVE TO SET UP CAMP HERE.

oh for god’s sake who runs this blog please marry me

Notes

Before and After of the daily summer commute.

3798 Notes

letsgobananas:

The Many Faces of Ron Swanson

"Oh Captain, my Captain. Ron Swanson: A Swan Song" —Leslie Knope

letsgobananas:

The Many Faces of Ron Swanson

"Oh Captain, my Captain. Ron Swanson: A Swan Song" —Leslie Knope

Notes

My fingers are too fat for tumblr. I “heart” garbage all the time and I’m just trying to scroll.

1606 Notes

dirtyprettything:

Let’s Hug! (by ILoveDoodle) 

And now, this is how I imagine my torso…just huggin’ it out.

dirtyprettything:

Let’s Hug! (by ILoveDoodle)

And now, this is how I imagine my torso…just huggin’ it out.

324 Notes

Delightful.

Delightful.

Notes

Giraffe Birth.

No, seriously. It’s awful.

I can’t decide for whom it’s worse. The mother (who has to push…you know…ANOTHER GIRAFFE out of her) or the calf (who falls 4 stories to the ground right on its dumb giraffe neck).

Maybe Jane-the-giraffe-midwife could have suggested “Hey, maybe kneel down a bit? Maybe lay down? We’re tall.” Or maybe Jane could have asked for more than 4-6 inches of sand for it to land on.

God, I hate Jane.